Giving criticism

 

This is a summary of the book: the power of positive criticism by Hendrie WEISINGER, Ph.D.

The main takeaways:

·        Criticism must be embraced and valued as a developmental process, essential to learning, growth and success.

·        Positive criticism recognizes the merits and demerits of a situation and then evaluates them, looking for improvement.

·        What must be communicated and why must be very clear and required.

·        Expectations and criteria for criticism must both be clearly expressed

·        Positive criticism aims for improvement, so first positives must be recognized.

·        The recipient’s motives must be understood, and criticism must be framed so that the recipient will improve her performance.

·        Words must be chosen carefully, avoiding negative language and offering specific solutions.

·        Help with changes must surely be offered, so the recipients do not feel alone.

·        A partnership must be formed with the recipient to make change happen.

·        One’s own emotional state must be recognized so that there is calmness under stress

Criticism is a complex, essential and powerful process. One of the ways to remain close to truth is by evaluation of our welfare. It is essential because so many things depend on it. It is powerful because it can shape the future.

Criticism can assess the merits and demerits of a situation and make appropriate judgements. It also brings out the best from ourselves and those around us.

The following are some of the tips to exercise it cautiously:

1.       Positively receiving criticism is essential to good health. It is not the same as “feedback”. Appreciate it.

2.       Criticize strategically where the one giving it is but an instrument to make the recipient more productive.

3.       Be improvement oriented regardless of the comfort level and suggest curative actions.

4.       Protecting the self-esteem of the recipient goes a long way.

5.       Begin a criticism with a positive intent statement so the recipient knows where you are coming from.

6.       Criticizing your criticism helps you know it is apt.

7.       Involving the recipient in the criticism process keeps everyone open and minimizes defensiveness.

8.       Qualifying an appreciation within a criticism with a “but” is inappropriate. Offering sincere positives is good practice.

9.       Giving a clear direction to what we want will be a clearer message.

10.   As with most delivery, the timing must be right.

11.   Always minding the surroundings, the time and place to criticize someone must be observed. A rule of thumb is to never criticize when you are angry.

12.   Socrates used to ask questions that would guide the recipients to discover solutions to their problems.

13.   When giving the same criticism repeatedly, it is better to change our behavior to help drive the change in the other person.

14.   Criticism can often find its roots in unmet, uncommunicated expectations. Examining them to be realistic and adjusting them might also help.

15.   Acknowledging that criticism is subjective even when it is based on objective facts helps smoothen perception differences.

16.   Putting motivation in the criticism is a good habit. We must begin our own motivational assumptions and those of each recipient.

17.   Using stories, examples and metaphors help to convey the message.

18.   It is a development process so it should not be one-time effort and must be ongoing.

19.   Knowing the criteria for criticism is important to both the giver and the receiver.

20.   Listening to one’s thoughts and processing them with rationality helps articulate criticism.

21.   Staying cool, calm and collected by practicing a relaxation response prior to conveying a criticism helps the giver.

22.   Criticism is a learning mechanism and must be adapted to stressful situations. Relying on informal relationships, timing, ambiguity and self-restraint under these circumstances help.

23.   Change becomes easier when there is a partner

24.   Some targets of criticism are quite difficult to say anything to. Criticizing a customer, a boss or ethics can be considered out of line, but it can still be presented to help them reach their goal.

25.   Immunizing oneself against negativity by clarifying our own thoughts and feelings help us with our work.

26.   Emotions during criticism are perceived more than the message so being mindful of how we say it is also important.

27.   Habits are infectious so positive criticism will circle back around.